Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
