It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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