im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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