Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize