Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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