On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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