what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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