She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
