could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
