Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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