Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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