i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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