dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
