Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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