OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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