Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
