my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
