She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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