I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
