he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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