I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
