you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
