Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I checked into jail on foursquare
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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