my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
