Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
