But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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