Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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