Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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