you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
