you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
