he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
