there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
