I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
