She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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