Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
