every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
