plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
