You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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