garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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