"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
