I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
