Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
