Can Purell be used as lube?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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