what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
