i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
