i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
