my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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