So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
