24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm at about main and main street
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
