He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
