dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
