We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
