I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
