Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
