I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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