it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
