a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
