just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
