I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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