Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
