If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
