He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
