I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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