I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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