when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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