I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize