Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
