Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
