Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
