I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
