Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
