It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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