why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
