he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
