look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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