pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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