We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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