i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
